Monday, November 14, 2011

Longhorn State...

It's so strange how something that occurs in one's life can completely change the perspective on everything in it.  I remember when Sam was born, and I was hit hard with the, "Oh my God, I've never loved something this much, and I would die in a heartbeat to protect it," kind of love that a parent has for her child.  I also remember how it changed my perspective on people.  I was teaching at VU at the time, and now when my students came in on the first day, I looked at them not only as students, but as somebody's baby.  Someone, somewhere, loved them the same way that I loved my Sam, and it made me react to people differently.  It made me think a little more before I made judgments, because now I was judging not only a person, but someone's BABY.  It definitely helped me in several ways, but at the same time, it opened my eyes to the overwhelming sadness that exists when someone isn't loved like he or she should be.  Now, after having my own kids, it takes my breath when I imagine a child going to bed hungry, or not being shown the attention they deserve.  It's almost to much to empathize with at times.

This thing with my brother has caused another shift in my universe - a 'paradigm shift' as one of my professor's referred to it.  Sure, it has brought about that fear that no one should have to face, but that everyone surely does in a lifetime.  It has brought questions, and anger, and sadness, and a fierce protectiveness that I can't describe.  But more than anything, it's brought to light a kindness among people that you don't get to experience on a day to day basis.

The kindness in the thoughtful messages, texts, facebook posts, prayers, and just general interest in my brother's case has been overwhelming.  I'm not kidding - it has made me speechless at times, and for those of you who know me, that doesn't happen.  Ever.  But, it has shown me how truly good people are - how much kindness and selflessness we're really capable of exerting when we need to. 

And, several people have gone above and beyond the call of being kind, and have given of themselves in ways that can't be paid back.  And the beautiful part about it, is that the people who have done this don't want to be paid back.  It made them feel good to do it, and it just lifts me to a place I can't describe when I think of it.  Because of this, I've been scanning my brain, trying to come up with a way to pay all of this forward.  And, I have.  And, I'm so excited about it.  I still have to work out all the logistics, but so far, this is what I've got...I'm going to offer ten 'Pay it Forward' shoots next year.  I think I will mostly offer it for Senior shoots, but any shoot would probably work.  With this, the client won't pay me anything for their shoot.  Instead, they can donate their time to a charity around our town, or someplace that needs some extra hands.  If they can't donate all the time, they could use some of the payment toward a particular charity - but especially ones in our town.  This way, a senior who may not be able to afford a shoot can get one, but even for those who can, I just think this is a win win for everyone.  Like I said, I'm still working out the logistics.  I'm going to get ahold of the people in town who can point me in the right direction as far as local charities and go from there.

So, it's apparent that this thing with my Bub has changed me.  I'd like to think for the better, but who knows.  He is such a trooper.  He's been in a huge amount of pain from his port, but he's not complaining.  He just desperately wants to maintain a sense of normalcy in his life, so he doesn't say a word.  I wish I were as strong as he has been  - it's truly amazing to see.  I feel a sense of calm and peace since I arrived and have been able to see him and HUG him!  I know I'll dread leaving, but being here is definitely something I needed. 

Again, keep the prayers and positive vibes headed his way - he has a long road to travel, but I know he'll make it.  I KNOW it. 

B

Monday, November 7, 2011

Hi Everyone - thanks for taking the time to make it over and read.  It's very cathartic and therapeutic for me to get my thoughts out in words, and I firmly believe that every prayer or positive thought coming my brother's way is a blessing.

Four weeks ago, Stevie flew B.J. (my hubby) down to Austin, TX for the Cotton Bowl.  It was an early birthday gift for B.J., and they were going to go to Dallas for the Bowl and then B.J. would fly home from there.  Well, on the night the BJ arrived, he and Stevie and Ash went out for a few beers, but called it an early night as Tebe (my nickname for my Bub), wasn't feeling well.  By the next morning, he was throwing up violently and his ankles were swollen to twice their size.  After reluctantly agreeing to go to the ER, he was admittedly immediately as his blood pressure was stupid high.  And by stupid high, I mean like 220/165.  Stroke bait.  Heart attack in a box.  And, his creatnine and BUN levels were too high.  Those numbers basically measure how well your kidneys are functioning and what their general output of protein and all that good stuff is.  A normal number is 1.5.  Tebe was checked in with a 3.5.  A patient will be dialyzed when his number reaches 4 or higher. 

So, at this point, he was diagnosed with Acute Kidney Failure.  Since moving to Austin last year, Tebe has become somewhat of a health nut and works out regularly, and consumes large amounts of whey protein.  This, we thought and hoped, was the cause of this AKF.  His kidneys just became too taxed with trying to process all this protein.  But, by the next day, his numbers were getting worse instead of better.  The doctor began to suspect something else was at play here.  This is where the 'I'm flipping out so badly I can't concentrate on anything for more than twenty seconds' stage began, but I remained positive despite the ominous feeling.  My parents and friends/family did the same thing. 

The following week, his doctor ordered a kidney biopsy as his numbers kept getting worse.  His doc told him if anything, we want it to be a form of nephropathy called IgA because he could live a long life before having to be dialyzed with the proper treatment.  So, the biopsy comes back, and lo and behold, it's IgA Nephropathy.  Except it's the "Rapidly Progressive" kind that only two percent of patients with this disease suffer from.  Devastation upon hearing this news is the understatement of the century.  My mom called to tell me; I called Ash, his girlfriend, and we cried until we could no longer understand each other.  I got in the car to drive to my husband and tell him the news.  All the while, I was trying to reach my brother on the phone, and I was scared beyond reason of how his mental state would be.  When I saw B.J., I collapsed in his arms and told him that Stevie was deathly ill, and that it could get worse.  At that time, the phone rang, and it was him.  It was Stevie.  I tried to compose myself, but right after I answered and heard the words, "Hey Sissy," I completely lost it.  Stevie, on the other hand was Positive Polly.  I couldn't get over how calm and reassuring he was.  As an aside, Stevie has come to know God on a personal level since moving to Austin, and I know this was a huge reason for his demeanor.  He calmly explained to me that since his disease was the bad kind of IgA, he would immediately start chemo for a six month period in an attempt to bring his kidney function to livable percentage. 

This meant that in a four day span, he and Ash had to make plans to freeze his sperm, which, for those of you who know Stevie was made absolutely hilarious with hourly updates and statements such as, "They can't even get a guy some lotion?  My hand are like boulders over here!"  Only he could make a situation that could have been so charged and sad into a funny one.  For that, I am so grateful.

Fast forward three weeks...Tebe had the chemo in his system - twice a day - everyday, and he was on a dose twice the amount that a breast cancer patient takes.  But in all of that, it was he who was reassuring us that he was fine.  It was he who was making it to work everyday and talking his neurotically worried big sister off the ledge every hour.  He couldn't sleep because he kept dreaming he was drowning.  This was thought to be caused by the fluid accumulation around all of his organs - including his lungs.  But, again, he never complained.  He continually assured us that he was going to beat this even though his kidneys, "Suck Nuts," as he so eloquently explained.  Well, last Monday, they tested his numbers to make sure they were doing what they were supposed to.  And guess what, not only were they NOT responding the right way, they were getting worse.  Way worse.  End Stage Renal Failure worse.  Tebe's kidneys were functioning at a whopping six percent. 

So, that brings us to now.  The docs immediately put him on the transplant list, they took him off the Lasik medication, and they kept him on the chemo in a last ditch effort to get his numbers up.  My brother, as positive as he is, is a realist, and he knows his numbers aren't going to get better.  He looks like a 'Mother F'ing Stuffed Pig'  - his words, and he feels absolutely horrible.  Is he complaining?  Cause you can bet your sweet ass I'd be pissed and sad and depressed and I would be telling him about it!  But him?  Nope.  Not a complaint.  Just a request for a donor match so he can get a kidney and go on with his life.  Typing those words makes me want to crawl inside of a hole and not come out.  Knowing that I have a baby brother whom I love so very much and who is so very sick and is still positive and sure that he is going to be fine, makes me more proud than I ever thought I could be.

Here's where your prayers and positive thoughts come in.  More than likely, he will start dialysis this week.  From there, they will start testing us - his family - for donors.  I'm begging and pleading with every fiber of my being that I'm a match.  If you can pray and send wishes that I'm a good match, it would mean more than the world to me.  Until we find out that I'm not, that's what I'm asking for as far as prayers go.  If I'm not, than we'll move onto prayers for a match to show up quickly, but for now, I desperately want to be able to give him a kidney. 

I know I have written a novel, and I so appreciate you sticking around and reading this.  That action alone puts positive vibes toward him, and that's all I can ask for. 

I love my little brother like I love my children.  He is seriously the best friend any sister could ask for.  He's also the greatest Uncle my kids could have.  I pray with all my heart that his sickness and pain is eased by your prayers and positive thoughts, but I especially pray that God allows me to qualify as a donor. 

Thank you, again, for your time.  If you'd like to leave a comment either here or on facebook to let Tebe and me know that you've got his back, it would be so greatly appreciated.

Brandie

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Taj is ONE! {Gorgeous Kid, Gorgeous Light}

Ok - first off, I was so excited when I walked into Taj's home and saw all the beautiful, glorious light that was awaiting me! And the, I turned around and laid eyes on one of the most gorgeous kids I've ever seen. AND, AND, AND, he was so sweet and cooperative, and pretty much did anything we asked him to. The shoot was on his actual first birthday, so it just made it that much more special. I really hope I get to capture Mr. Taj and his wonderful family again!


















Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentines Day {Waxing Philosophical)

Happy Valentines Day, Everyone. I hope your lives are as filled with love as mine is. As I was falling asleep last night, after having played nurse to two kiddos with Influenza B all day, I was suddenly overcome by how blessed and full my life is. And, I felt I had no choice but to get it out of my head and onto paper (or screen, as is the case).

BJ lost his job back in June. Since then, he's been drawing unemployment, working as a Sub in the VCSC schools, and going to school to finish his teaching degree. Needless to say, with four kids, times are tight, especially now that Illinois Unemployment has taken away his pay because he's in school. We have appealed it, but we won't know anything until they contact us with an answer. Why do I share this? Well, because despite our financial situation, I've never felft 'richer' in my entire life.

Yes, I know that sounds cliche, and cheesy, but it's absolutely the truth. My family lives in a 1600 sq. foot house. With two big adults and four BIG kids, that's not a lot of space, and nerves can get jangled easily when it's loud. BUT, I love that we are crammed together. I love that we have no choice but to be in each other's company. I love that my boys have to share a room and that usually, one of them ends up in bed in our room anyway!

I feel so blessed to have a husband who is bettering his future for himself and his family. It's surreal and wonderful to be having discussions with him concerning Aristotle! Aristotle? Really? I love it. I couldn' have asked for a better friend and partner in life. Sure, I want to brain him 25% of the time, but I can deal with that. It's the other 75% that's so important, and I totally lucked out there.

My kids are truly the light of my life. I've changed my mindset on few things, and it has opened me up to so many more moments that truly are the 'richest' ones in my life. When Sam, (Number One) turned ten this year, it hit me like a ton of bricks. He is on the downward slope of the time he will be with me. AND, it will be less than the first nine years because so much of his time will go to friends and sports and all things that teens do. And while it does knock the wind out of me to realize this, it has also pounded home what I've known to be true all along: love every moment now, for they won't last. I'm not saying I enjoy every moment. Oh no - I don't enjoy the sibling screaming matches, the whining, the incessant messiness, the crabiness. But, I do LOVE them. At the end of the day, despite what the day has held, I love the moments - crazy ones and all. And I'm making more of an effort to show my kids the joy I'm getting from just the small stuff. And since I've been opening myself up to it more, the kids have been giving me more.

With my business, I couldn't feel more blessed and happy. I love that I get to meet and 'know' so many families with what I do. I feel like I have learned so much about my own family by interacting with so many others. I'm striving everyday to continue to improve, and I'm hoping it shows. I run my biz in a way that's probably not conducive to the most successful business model. In fact, I often don't collect payment when I should, or I don't charge what I should, but I sort of feel like everything comes back around, and that's why I have so much joy in this job. I was burned a while back when someone canceled a wedding because they found another alternative. I hadn't made them sign the contract when I did the engagement shoot because I felt bad about them having to pay so much at one time. Because they didn't sign the contract, they went with someone else - even though I had held that date - one of the most popular wedding date weekends - for them. I had turned down two other inquiries for that day because I wanted them to have the date - even though I hadn't gotten a down payment. Needless to say, I was really hurt about the situation, and at first, I thought of changing how I handle my biz practices to prevent a future event like this one. And while I have changed a few things, I'm not going to let this change me. I've put a few things in place, like collecting a down payment at booking, but other than that, I do trust that people for the most part are true to their word. AND, I hold no ill will for the couple. I truly do hope their wedding photos are everything they hope for. As for the photographer who booked them, I can only hope he/she didn't know they had a verbal contract with someone else. And if they did, I hope I never resort to running my business that way. Everything comes full circle, and I feel like the true joy I feel from this 'work' is payback enough.

So, I've rambled a lot. I've cheesed out, so to speak. But, I had to get it down. I had to let my little family unit of love know how I feel. Even in the most desperate times, I know that I can squeeze together with my babies and my husband and feel richer than I could have ever imagined. I hope that on this Valentine's Day, your life is full of all the love you want and need.

B

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Weekend in Chicago {REAL Family Moments}

This shoot embodies everything I want to capture in families this year. True, real emotions - families doing what they do best - loving, laughing, and LIVING. This family was amazing, and the two feet of snow they got in last week's snow storm made for a perfect backdrop. Thanks, Johnson's, for making my 'job' the greatest one on earth.

















Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Fave shots of 2010 {Part 2}

This is HARD! I loved so many shots from 2010, that it's killing me to narrow them down. I've decided that since I'm putting so much thought into choosing these, that it's only fair that the subjects IN them receive something. If you see a pic of you, or your child, listed in my faves posts (there will be several more to come) contact me and I'll send you a voucher for 30% off your next shoot in 2011. You have to contact me within three days of the posting, so if you see someone you know, drop them a line!

Anyway, here we go....



The mood, the light, the day itself was such a phenomenal thing to be a part of. These wedding pics are definitely some of my all time faves and this shot just exudes happiness.





Really, Landon? Do your eyelashes have to be as long as fingers hanging from your eyes? I love the inquizitive look he's got as he searches for 'the bird' that flies across my lens as my shutter closes. :)




This is probably my fave shot from the year. Pure, real, moments. I LOVE this so very much, even though it's technically far from a perfect shot.



Love the action here. Boundless energy of a child on a summer day. Doesn't hurt that the child in question is gorgeous! Wish I had an eighth of that energy.




Be still my heart. I. LOVE. THIS. SHOT. I love that hair. I love that beautiful dream coming across through his sweet little smile. *sigh*





Friday, January 28, 2011

Fave shots of 2010 {Part 1}

Okay, I know this is a tad late, but I still want to do it. I'll post a five part series on my fave shots from last year. I love to do this because I get to talk a bit more about the images and why I love them so much! So, here goes...thanks for tuning in, and PLEASE leave me a comment or two!


Ok, I love this one for obvious reasons...can you get over his expression?! He's looking at me like I have two heads for putting him in the dumptruck. Love it.



I love the moment here. I love the look of awe on her face as she starts her magical relationship with the Big Guy. I like the soft feel of it as well.



I love the lighting in this shot, and I love that Kate is making the goofy schmooshy face as her brothers strike a serious mug!



Does happiness not just flow from every pore of her body?! I just loved this capture, and I can't wait to capture her again very soon!



First, the kid is stinkin' gorgeous. Second, the expression he is making melts my heart into a big puddle of mush. I LOVE this. This is probably in my top five faves, but I'm not posting the faves in any particular order, so it's going in the first set.

Also, my special has been going REALLY well, but I'm going to wrap it up next Wednesday, Feb. 2. If you'd like to purchase a gift cert., just drop me an email!

B

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

New Year ~ New Special!

Well, thanks for making it over here. Even after having blown off about getting this blog going again and never following through, I'm going to give it another try! Because of this, I'd like to offer you a special:

With the New Year under way, I’ve revised my website and added some exciting new options to my product base. With this, I wanted to offer my loyal friends and clients an opportunity to have a photo shoot and save some cash this year!
So, I’m offering gift certificates at a reduced rate. You can purchase them for someone, or you can purchase them now and use them later for your own shoot!
Here’s the deets:
$75 gift certificate for $50

$125 gift certificate for $75

$200 gift certificate for $100

$350 gift certificate for $200

If you’d like to purchase one (or more), you can pay by card or check. If you choose to pay with a card, I will email you an invoice and once I receive your payment, I will email you the certificate. If you purchase one with a check, I will email you the certificate as soon as the check clears.
This is great deal, and the gift certificate can be combined with other specials and used for any shoot in 2011.
And, now that you’ve made it to my blog, I am going to run periodic specials throughout the year, so make sure you stay tuned to my updates to take advantage of them.
If you’d like to purchase a gift certificate, drop me an email at brandie@bthornephotography.com, or just leave a comment in the 'comments' section of this post.

Happy New Year!

b